Relationship QuizIs My Relationship Healthy or Toxic? (Free Relationship Assessment)
Every relationship is unique, but there are a few things that make a relationship healthy and strong. are you curious to know more.
This is a therapist-designed self-assessment that checks relationship patterns over the past 3 months, including communication, trust, emotional safety, and respect.
20 questions, 3 minutes
Score-based results with a clear interpretation
Practical next steps based on your results
Safety comes first
If you are experiencing physical violence, sexual coercion, stalking, threats, intimidation, or fear, this assessment is not the right tool. Prioritize safety and seek immediate support.
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
The Relationship Health Assessment
Answer based on the last 90 days, not one unusually good or bad week. You’re looking for recurring patterns.
Relationship Self-Check
A quick self-check based on typical patterns over the last 3 months.
What this does:
- Focuses on recurring dynamics (not a single bad day).
- Gives a result category based on your total score.
- Suggests a practical next step.
This is educational and does not establish a therapist-client relationship. If there is physical violence, sexual coercion, stalking, threats, or intimidation, prioritize immediate help and safety planning instead of a couples quiz.
© AtReef Therapy. Educational screening only.
Why evaluate the past 3 months?
Three months is long enough for real patterns to show up. A single fight doesn’t define a relationship, but repeated dynamics do.
The last 90 days often capture:
How conflict starts, escalates, and resolves
Whether repair attempts work (or get rejected)
Whether you feel emotionally safe enough to be honest
Whether appreciation, respect, and trust stay consistent
This assessment focuses on repeatable loops, because those are what shape satisfaction and stability.
Meet Your TherapistEhsan Adib Shabahang LMHC
As a compassionate licensed professional counselor, I've worked with more than thousands of clients nationwide.
I'm honored to support your journey toward self-discovery and understanding your values. My goal is to help you enhance your well-being, strengthen connections, and appreciate yourself in harmony with AtReef Counseling's mission. I'm committed to accompanying you on this transformative path, nurturing growth, and celebrating milestones.
How scoring works (and what your score means)
Each item is scored from 0–3 based on frequency:
0 = Rarely or never
1 = Sometimes
2 = Often
3 = Very often
Your total score ranges from 0–60. Higher scores suggest more frequent risk patterns.
Interpretation (traffic light style):
Green (0–14): Mostly Healthy
Conflict happens, but respect and repair are generally intact.
Yellow (15–29): Some Concerns
Repeated friction or disconnection is present. This is workable, but it needs intentional change.
Orange (30–44): High Concern
Escalation, shutdown, or repair breakdown are frequent. Many couples get stuck here without structure.
Red (45–60): Severe Strain
Distress is high. The priority becomes stabilization, safety, and clear boundaries.
Important clarification: A high score does not “diagnose” anyone. It flags patterns that tend to erode trust, safety, and intimacy.
What is this assessment measuring
This is not a random internet quiz. It measures common relationship dynamics linked to stability and distress. The questions cluster into four domains:
Emotional safety
Do you feel safe to be honest without punishment, ridicule, or blow-ups?
Communication under stress
How disagreements start, escalate, and whether repair attempts land.
Trust and reliability
Follow-through, honesty, and “having your back.”
Respect and warmth
Appreciation, contempt signals, loneliness, and the “roommates” pattern.
What to do next
Pick the path that matches your score. Small changes compound, but only if you target the right loop.
0–14 Mostly Healthy keep it strong
- Protect the basics: sleep, stress, and time together. These drive everything.
- Weekly 20-minute check-in: “What felt good? What should we adjust?”
- Make bids obvious: small daily reach-outs, and respond within 10 seconds when possible.
15–29 Some Concerns fix the loop
- Choose one repeating pattern to target first (harsh start-up, defensiveness, shutdown, repair failure).
- Use “gentle start” language: “I feel ___ about ___ and I need/request ___.”
- Set a conflict rule: no labels, no threats, no “always/never.”
30–44 High Concern stabilize first
- You need structure, not more effort. Try timed talks (10–15 minutes) with one topic.
- Track triggers: what reliably starts escalation, and what reliably calms it.
- Repair plan: decide what a “reset” looks like before the next fight.
45–60 Severe Strain safety first
If there is intimidation, coercion, stalking, threats, or physical harm, couples work is not the first step. Prioritize safety and support.
- Tell one safe person what’s going on and ask for help staying grounded.
- Create a plan: where you would go, who you’d call, what you’d take.
- Get professional support for safety planning and decision-making.
Download the Relationship Health Guide (PDF)
Want a printable explanation of the score ranges, what the questions are capturing, and what to do next?
Includes:
Score interpretation (0–60)
Green/yellow/orange/red meaning
Red flags vs growth areas
Conversation prompts and next steps
FAQ
Clear answers to the most common questions people search for when they’re trying to judge relationship health.
Is it normal to fight in the first 3 months of a relationship?
Minor disagreements are normal. What is not normal is frequent escalation, name-calling, threats, or feeling like you are walking on eggshells. The first 90 days often include higher positivity, so if your conflicts are already intense or circular, pay attention to the pattern rather than the topic.
Use this assessment to rate what has been consistent in the past 3 months, not just your worst day.
Can a toxic relationship become healthy?
Sometimes, but only if both people take accountability and change behavior consistently. A relationship rarely improves when one person denies impact, blames you for everything, or refuses boundaries.
If the “toxicity” includes coercion, intimidation, stalking, physical violence, or sexual pressure, treat it as a safety problem first. Couples therapy is not appropriate until safety is established.
What are early signs of gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a pattern where someone pushes you to doubt your memory, perception, or sanity. Early signs can look like:
- Denying obvious events: “That never happened.”
- Trivializing your emotions: “You’re too sensitive.”
- Shifting blame: “If you didn’t do X, I wouldn’t react like this.”
If you feel confused after conversations, keep apologizing to restore peace, or feel the need to collect proof, treat that as a serious signal.
How accurate are online relationship health quizzes?
Online quizzes are self-assessments, not diagnoses. Their value is in structure: they help you name patterns, compare frequency, and notice what has become “normal” over time.
If your results suggest high conflict or safety risk, use the results as a prompt to seek support, not as a final verdict.
What should I do if my score is in the red range?
A red-range score suggests patterns commonly seen in high-distress or unsafe dynamics. Your priority is emotional and physical safety, not fixing the relationship immediately.
If you feel unsafe, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or call 911 for immediate danger. If you are unsure, talk to a trusted person or a licensed professional for safety planning.
Related resources
Add internal links to 2–4 relevant pages on your site, for example:
“How to argue without damage”
“Signs you’re walking on eggshells”
“What emotional safety looks like”
“When couples therapy helps and when it doesn’t”
Dream it
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Dream it 〰️
About the author
Ehsan A. Shabahang, M.S., NCC, LPC, LMHC
This relationship assessment is an educational self-check that summarizes patterns from the past 3 months. It does not diagnose, and it does not create a therapist-client relationship. If there are safety concerns (threats, coercion, stalking, intimidation, physical violence), prioritize immediate support and safety planning.
Verify, contact, and learn more
Want to verify me outside this page? Search: "Ehsan Shabahang therapist" or "AtReef Therapy couples therapy".
- Phone: (617) 906-6767
- Email: info@atreef.com
- Mailing address: AtReef Therapy PLLC, 68 Harrison Ave Ste 605 PMB 866561, Boston, MA 02111
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are in the U.S. and want confidential support, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.